So we've been catching up on The Sopranos recently and we have not seen the season finale... it's like we've gone off the grid... anyway, we watched too much...
See, I go into Costco the other day alone and I'm in line. A man dressed nice in a leather jacket, work slacks, and you know those tinted glasses that change with the light, well, those. So he's got like 5 cases of water and a box of crackers in his cart. He starts fumbling around for something, patting pockets, etc... picks up cell phone, stretches neck, looks around in desperation... yup, no Costco card... hmmmm.... how did he get in the store then??
Anyway, I try to avoid eye contact. Nope. Not gonna let him use my card... no way, dude.
So a lady in the next line notices and offers her card. He refuses. He's getting closer to being next... so what's he gonna do. He looks at me and I say something like they can figure it out and immediately look down. Moments pass... still desperate.... Finally, his turn. He looks at me and asks... ok, fine. I cave. Handing over my card.
His order is done and he says thank you and now it's my turn. All of a sudden my mind races... what would happen if my personal information is on that receipt!!! Oh crap. The clerk asks if I want a box... sure. Whatever... box, schmox... I'm doomed!
So my order is complete... I get my card back and my receipt... okay, nothing but my account number for Costco is on it... but dear Lord, I'm doomed... ugh, he's going to ruin me by my account number for Costco!
In a panic I grab a banana box for my random assortment of blueberries, 3 loaves of garlic bread, 2 pairs of pants and a pound and a half salmon filet among others and head off to the customer service counter. Whew! No line! Okay, gulp, yes, I have a question...
"What happens if I misplace my receipt and someone gets my account number?????? What will happen to my simple suburban existence... that has now turned into stolen identity theft!!! For crying out loud! ANSWER ME MAN!"
"They could try to write a bad check."
"They could try to get into Costco on a temporary pass but then we'd ask for ID and then, well, really, nothing..."
"Huh. So it's pretty foolproof?"
Yup, and I watch too much Sopranos... Whaddyagonnado.